New Self Portrait - "To Paint or to Play"

As promised, I thought I'd share some more about the process of painting what turned out to be a very challenging new self portrait.

The idea for this painting has been brewing in my head for almost a year and a half now. I've only seen a handful of artist self portraits that incorporate other figures or elements, but those are usually the most fascinating to me. The one I felt most inspired by for this project was a self portrait by Gustav Osterman, "Self Portrait with His Dog". If you take a closer look at the dog, you can just make out one crazed eye which, for me, completely makes this painting!

For my own interpretation, I wanted to depict my dog the way she is when she's impatiently waiting to go for our walk. Whether I'm at my computer or my easel, she frequently comes up to me and places her head on my lap, looking up with those sad puppy eyes. I originally considered doing something where she had her leash dangling from her collar, but when I sat down on my studio couch one day, and looked over at the full-length mirror that I had stuffed in the corner of the room, the idea for this composition occurred to me and I decided I had to give it a try.

I painted essentially what I saw in the mirror. A 28x12" canvas worked perfectly for the long, rectangular composition. I completed my head and much of the block-in during the first sitting, which took several hours (maybe... I don't really keep track of the time when I'm painting self portraits, nor do I give myself many breaks--a very bad habit).

This was day 1. Bella was finished in a matter of minutes. I posed her on my lap by placing a cracker on my leg, and awarded it to her after quickly blocking in her form. I had to finish some of the details from a photo I shot on my phone, but she did a very good job of staying put for as long as could be expected of a hyper Springer Spaniel.

The tricky part arrived when it was time to paint the hands. Since my left hand was always moving as I worked on the painting, I wasn't sure what to do with it. At first I thought it would be important to be holding a brush, so that's what I tried to do. But after hours and hours of frustrating work on it, I started to hate it and wondered if I'd made a terrible mistake. At that point, it was time to put the painting aside for a few days - completely out of sight - and give myself some time away from it. That was the best decision I made. Below is the painting with a very sad looking arm and hand...

After coming back to it two days later, I realized that as humbling as it would be, I needed to repaint the entire arm and hand. I got back into position in front of the mirror, and carefully posed my arm in a way that was simpler and also better for the composition - something that would lead the eye into the painting instead of causing a visual stopping point. I had to scrape and sand some of the paint off to smooth the surface, but after completing that, and going over the whole arm with a fresh coat of middle-value flesh tone, I was able to repaint the whole thing in a fraction of the time it took on my first attempt. I was infinitely happier with it this time around, and was so glad I had decided to risk it!

"To Paint or to Play" (finshed) - 28 x 12" - oil on linen 

I've already gotten a number of insightful interpretations of this portrait. While I can't always help what happens with my own expression (the focused look and parted lips always happen), this painting somehow ended up a little different than all of my previous self portraits. It has a feeling of openness and vulnerability that I've never shown before. Am I really that transparent? That insecure? I suppose the bare feet betray me. The dog, too, represents more than a literal image of my precious Bella. She is, in essence, everything that competes with my work, for better or for worse. She is the laundry, the grocery shopping, the phone calls, the social life. She represents the balance I must find in my life in order to make great art. One can't just work. There should be room for play. :-)

Type A (for "Anna") and Being a Painter

When my mom came to visit last month, we got into a discussion about personality types and I said something along the lines of, "I don't really think I'm Type A..." to which she interjected, "I always thought you were Type A!" That got me thinking. Whenever I have a question about something, I Google it (Yes, I'm one of those). According to Wikipedia, Type A individuals are described as "ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status conscious, can be sensitive, care for other people, are truthful, impatient, always try to help others, take on more than they can handle, want other people to get to the point, proactive, and obsessed with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving 'workaholics' who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence." 

Well, Mother's always right. I'd say that description fits me... perfectly.

The article goes on to mention a book written for the "diagnosis" and "treatment" of Type A behavior. I had to laugh after reading that, since I know how much my own drive and artistic obsessions have gotten in my way over the years. But I don't think Type A is something we should be trying to "treat." I think, from an artist's standpoint, that it's actually a good thing.

It was clear, earlier last week, that I needed to take a step back from my easel. I was working on a couple of larger portraits, neither of which seemed to be going well. Often I will start a portrait feeling incredibly energized and hopeful about its success, only to feel deflated after a while because I start to overwork and overthink the whole thing.

Well, my remedy for this was to spend a day with my twin sister, who, is not at all Type A but is a sweet and caring Type B. :-) Emily is my best friend and is the first person I go to when I need to talk something through. She told me to channel my frustration and self-inflicted misery and turn those things into positives. Maybe frustration is determination. Maybe the misery will lead to an "Aha!" moment, where the my brain has to switch gears and totally change its thought process. After all, as Clayton Beck says, "Your paintings are a complete reflection of what you are thinking (or not thinking). If you don't like what you're doing, change your thoughts."

So how to use this "Type A" stuff to my advantage? I am extremely sensitive. I take things personally. I get impatient. But I am also determined and not willing to settle for anything but my best. Maybe I just need to learn how to step away once in a while. The "cure" for Type A is to live in moderation... doing nothing in excess, having close friends who love you enough to peel you away from the easel, and of course, leading an active prayer life. Once you've "re-charged", you can go back to the studio again with that confidence and panache that people love you for... :-)

That's exactly what happened. After some time away, some time in the Word of God and some good conversation with my sister, I went back to the easel and finished those two paintings in two days. And you know what? I'm happy with them!

Here they are:

"Scarlit Tones" (Portrait of a Songwriter)

29 x 22" - oil on linen 

"To Paint or to Play" (Self Portrait with Bella)

28 x 12" - oil on linen 

I'll talk about the new self portrait in my next blog post. There is a little bit of a backstory... :-)

Gaga for Green and Outdoor Light

Wow... I would like to try and post on this blog more than once a month, but it seems that's all I have time for! SOOOO much has happened since Weekend with the Masters!

First of all, as happens every time I return from an amazing workshop, my work begins to evolve rapidly. I'm finally starting to loosen up a little bit, have more fun with my brushwork, and incorporate more complimentary colors in skin and hair. And lately I've been a little bit obsessed with green.

For example, in this recent self portrait, I got a little bit "crazy" (for me!) in the hair. If you look closely, there is a weaving back and forth between hard and soft edges along the outside contour of the hair. There is even some wild color going across the form (going the opposite direction that the hair falls) to loosely indicate the planes of the head. I'm always amazed at how much green I have to use when painting blonde hair. This time it was an eclectic mix, in the appropriate values, of white, lemon yellow, yellow ochre, raw sienna, viridian, radiant green, transparent oxide brown, and cadmium orange. That's a lot of variety, for a generic hair color that we're always told to fill in with the yellow crayon when we're kids!

"Self Portrait" - 20x16" - oil on linen - Private Collection

Painted in afternoon window light (south facing)

The painting below is one that I JUST finished, and I think it's one of my best nudes to date! Thanks to my very talented artist friend, Carol, who volunteered her beautiful (and private!) backyard, I had the amazing opportunity to work with a live model out of doors. I suppose that if I had a north light window, that would be the next best thing, but as it stands, I have very little experience with painting the entire figure in natural daylight. There is something completely different about it, especially when the light is diffused by clouds. Fortunately for us, we still have relatively warm weather here in Dallas! We kept the model comfortable by having a space heater on hand, and Carol's cat, Sadie, kept her company. :-) If I had just an extra inch or so of canvas on the left, I would have put the cat in!

 "Garden Nude" - 18x14" - oil on linen panel - Available

Sadie "modelling" next to the model :-)

We worked from about 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., and had cloud coverage the entire time, which kept the lighting pretty consistent. I was continually amazed at how much surrounding color (greens from the surrounding ferns and trees, yellows from the cloth she was sitting on) found its way onto the model's skin. I had to get used to pulling from colors I wouldn't normally use in my studio. The result was a painting with LOTS of Gamblin's Radiant Violet and Radiant Green in areas such as the highlights on the breast and hip bone, the reflected light on her right side, and the blonde hair. There was also very little contrast, so it was a great exercise in turning form using subtle changes in color temperature, rather than value shifts. In the detail below, you can see just how much color I could get away with in the hair and face. I think I could have pushed it even MORE than I did...

 Detail of the legs: I tried my best to work across / around the form rather than along it. This makes for a more solid looking figure and enhances the illusion of three-dimensionality.

I have another new painting I've been dying to talk about, but I'll save that for a later post. Till then, happy painting, everyone!

Another Week in the Cast

Okay, I admit it. I'm sitting here tapping my feet, twisting locks of hair, and going a little bit crazy. I look down at  this hard piece of plaster and bandages engulfing my whole left hand except for the thumb (which might be useful except for the fact that it's disconnected from the rest just enough to be in a constant state of paraesthesia). I keep thinking the day I have my painting hand back to full recovery can't come soon enough.

You know what I miss? Washing dishes. Opening a jam jar. Typing with both hands. Buttoning my pants (yes, I've pulled out my entire wardrobe of elastic-waisted bottoms for this week. Real fashionable!). Putting my hair in a ponytail. Applying the perfect sweep of eye liner. I even miss working out (something I never would have admitted to before!). Most of all, I miss the silent daily dialog between me and my work. The paint has dried up on my palette, my blank canvases grow dusty, and my brushes sit unused, like soldiers without an assignment.  

Meanwhile, my projects pile up, as I've put them off for a whole month now. I thought April was going to be a crazy month, but it's almost as though God decided to re-arrange my schedule for me, enforcing an extended time of awkward stillness that even I -- an artist accustomed to long hours of solitude -- am uncomfortable with. The longer I am unable to do things, the more I am rightly forced to dwell on spiritual matters... i.e., not the state of my art (because let's face it... it's on hold right now!), but rather, the state of my soul. If I am struggling with a mere broken finger, I have to ask--how do the sick and dying, paraplegics, cancer-stricken, and weary sufferers of this world make it through each day, without the hope for heaven that I have? This "round two" of wearing a cast and suffering pain and being forced to abstain from my work... has it been yet another test to see where I've placed my true allegiance? Once upon a time, I thought this would be impossible to endure; I lived in fear of hurting my hands or being put in a position where I might not be able to do the things I love. Now that it's happened, I'll be the first to confess that it hasn't been easy, yet God's grace has been abundant, and He is helping me make it through. The moments where I lose sight of Him and start dwelling on me - are when I break down and begin to despair (will it never end?),  but as soon as I go back to God's Word and become reminded of His promises, I have hope once more. There is always hope for those who trust in the Savior.


Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. - Colossians 3:1-2 

Perhaps there's even hope for me as an ambidextrous painter! Ha! In my boredom, I have started yet another right-handed self portrait. This time I experimented with setting up two mirrors so that instead of the typical frontal view, it was a profile. I got very frustrated with myself and my limitations while working on this piece, but the surprising part is that it actually looks like me. Whether or not it's a good painting, I don't know. But at least I got to get my brushes dirty again and spend some much-needed time in the studio.

Double-Mirror Self Portrait with Right Hand, 12x9 - oil on Raymar panel 

Where there is a will, there is a way...

After hearing about my recent hand injury, several artist friends challenged me to paint with my right hand, as opposed to waiting until the cast comes off my crippled left. Given that I am accustomed to painting nearly every single day and have been biting at the bit (it has been over a week since my last painting session!), I decided to give it a shot. I wasn't terribly optimistic. Since the surgery, every time I tried drawing, writing, or doing anything that required some dexterity, I ended up making a clumsy mess. I almost lit myself on fire trying to light the gas burners on our stove, because my right hand got confused about which burner was which. Using my right hand has required an extra measure of thought and concentration. But... perhaps this could work to my advantage in a painting. After all, isn't it mostly about what we know, rather than which hand we use to get the information down on canvas? The heart and mind are by far my most valuable tools in art, as far as I'm concerned. While the connection from eyes and brain down to hand may be clumsy, I think it is possible, as well as a great exercise in control.

So here goes...

This happened yesterday. I sat down in my studio, lit by afternoon light in the south window... and tried my hand (literally!) at a self portrait. There is no glamour this one; no makeup, hair pulled back, and dark circles under tired eyes. By the time I got around to painting the ear, I was completely exhausted (thanks, pain meds...), so I think I'll have to go back in later and define some of that structure. I might also try designing the hair a little better. But, I love the colors, the background, and the softly painted eye. I accomplished this with my non-painting hand and actually liked the result! I guess this is what happens when you are essentially painting to make every stroke count.

 Self portrait with right hand (unfinished) - 16x11 - oil on canvas pad

I should probably mention that since this was all an experiment, I was also working with some brand new oil colors, courtesy of Rembrandt. Most of them I'd never used before. They were: Chromium Oxide Green, Naples Yellow Light, Stil de Grain Brown, Sevres Blue, Caput Mortuum Violet, and Stil de Grain Yellow. I had a blast experimenting with these new colors, some of which were very opaque, and others more transparent (the transparent yellow was a delight!). I especially enjoyed the effects of the chromium oxide green in creating the illusion of blonde hair, and the caput mortuum violet for use in the transparent warm shadows. The only other colors I used to supplement my palette were titanium white, cadmium red, ivory black, and Rembrandt transparent oxide red.

My new Rembrandt oil paints

Today I decided to show up at my painting group and join them for some more right-handed painting adventures! Our model was wearing a wonderfully sassy outfit, with a black netted hairpiece, sunglasses, and pearls. I wasn't able to quite capture the look of the pearls with my clumsy right hand (maybe I just ran out of patience), but I was still happy with the likeness and enjoyed the quick 2-hour session. I was just so happy to be painting again!

 Life sketch of Emma with Sunglasses; 16x12, oil on canvas pad

While neither of these paintings come close to my best work (!), I really learned a lot from the experience, especially about edge control. I was happy with the edges on the eye in my self-portrait, and the mouth on Emma. Other elements left much to be desired. Still, it's comforting to know that one's artistic skills are not attached wholly to the hands that wield them. Determination wins this round! :-)

Lists of Blessings, New Paintings and More

I would love to write on here more... but lately I've been spending most of my time painting, which is what I'm supposed to be doing! However, a brief update is long overdue.

First of all, I should mention that for the past week or so, I've been greatly encouraged and inspired by a little book my mother sent me for my birthday, called One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. The book talks about how to experience joy, and a full life, regardless of your circumstances. The key is in finding gratitude for all of God's gifts, both big and small, in your everyday life. So the author took up a dare, to record a list of one thousand "God-gifts". Her writing style is beautiful; as my mom said, she "paints with words." And, as a result of reading this book, I've begun to deliberately slow down my mad rush -- taking time to enjoy the little things, and to give thanks. I've also started a list of my own... today's additions:

- Perfume of full-bloom hyacinths by the hundreds

- Smiling pansies along the pathway

- Wearing flip flops, ridding warm body of sweatshirt and soaking in the sun... in February. :-)

After a day like today, who could be ungrateful, after all?? It was a high of 78. I spent the morning plein air painting at the Dallas Arboretum, enjoying in the way that only an artist can the full beds of hyacinths and pansies in all of their glory. Here is a picture of just a tiny fraction of what I was surrounded by... I'll show the painting soon. It still needs a couple little adjustments (I had to stop sooner than expected, thanks to some little mites that decided to form a parade up my pant leg).

Other painting projects... well, these all seem so unrelated to one another, but that has been my working method as of late.

I recently completed (er--tentatively completed) a new self portrait. I began this painting last week when Steve and I got dressed up for a Valentine's Day photo shoot, and I decided, "Hey, why shouldn't an artist dress up for her own portrait?" I managed not to get any paint on my clothes. The painting is titled, "Self Portrait with Red Lipstick." I never wear lipstick - in fact, I hate it. But I will admit that it does look good. :-)

"Self Portrait with Red Lipstick" - 20"x16" - oil on linen

I need to get a better photo of it -- AND I still might make some small changes -- but this will do for now.

One more painting I did just for fun... I've been meaning to set up this scenario for a while and finally made it happen. My dog, Bella, was curious about a new studio pal, a plaster bust that my painting student dubbed "Houdini" (after the sculptor, Houdin). Here is the painting, "Getting Acquainted." Bella sat for much of the painting, thanks to a tempting treat sitting on top of Houdini's head.

"Getting Acquainted" - 11"x14" - oil on linen panel

I will have much more new work coming out in the next few weeks, in preparation for a group exhibition at Weiler House Fine Art Gallery. The show opening is on March 24 from 5-9. More details to come!

The Challenges of Self Portraits (from a mirror, or course!)

American Artist magazine is currently running a cover competition featuring self portraits, so that gave me some incentive to try my hand at, once again, the ever-intimidating self portrait done completely from a mirror.

Some things I learned from the experience this time around:

• You have to cope with the model moving all the time. You'd think that since I look at myself in the mirror everyday, I'd have my features memorized. But this time it felt like I had to learn them all over again, in this specific lighting, under these specific circumstances. The lighting changes everything!
• I asked myself the question: "Do I want to idealize myself or paint me the way I look, in this moment?" True to my classical-realist tendencies, I answered with both. The idealization was unintentional, as it is most of the time when I do a portrait. I have a real empathy for my subjects, especially this one! I also included some of the not so perfect things that make me the way I do... like the dark circles under the eyes, the big chin, and the fact that my mouth is always open when I'm concentrating on a painting!
• You can still squint at yourself as a subject, unless you're working on the eyes. :-)
• You can only look at one eye at a time! So, I had quite the challenge making sure my eyes in the painting weren't focused in two different directions!
• Each self portrait should be different in some way from the last. I wanted this one to include at least one hand (mission accomplished, in natural window light, with the addition of my easel and canvas inside the composition.

Self Portrait by the Window - 15" x 14" - oil on linen

I also realized (and this was completely unplanned) that in my self-portrait and the portrait I'm working on of my husband, we are wearing the same color shirts. Weird. I'll post pictures of that one soon.

Meanwhile, here is a picture from this morning's 2 1/2-hour painting excursion at the Dallas Arboretum. It was absolutely gorgeous out today, and I hope that while the beautiful fall weather lasts, I can make this a weekly thing. There are thousands of pumpkins out there right now, as well as azaleas, roses, and chysanthemums. It's just beautiful!

I may tweak this a little more in my studio, but here is my rendition of the Poetry Garden.

"The Poetry Garden" - plein air painting, in progress